Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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