the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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