trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize