i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
