Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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