I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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