addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
