I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
