Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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