Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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