well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
