She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
