i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
