I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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