I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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