Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The maid of honor just puked.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I skipped work to stalk him.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
