Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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