I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
