You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
