Where is the hickey?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
