Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
