I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
