oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
