Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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