Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
