I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
