You were right. It hurts to walk today.
even my farts smell like vagina
this boner is exhausting
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
