i jhust puked up my retainher.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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