I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
