If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hippo gnu deer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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