Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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