I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dignity is for republicans.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize