Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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