There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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