they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
