i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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