Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize