But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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