I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Edward fifth and chaser hands
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
