Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I checked into jail on foursquare
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
