How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
