i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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