when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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