If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Damn victory sex feels great
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
