this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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