another moral hangover. fuck.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Randomize
