toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
