rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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