just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
