It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i came on her dog
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
