Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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