you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just found puke in my bra..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
