is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
