Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize