Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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