I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize