Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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