i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
