I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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