If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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