I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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