She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
