I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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