Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
