Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
