I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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