You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
