I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize