just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
