just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
