I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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