took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
