i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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