FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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