Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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