i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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