My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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