I hate your face
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
