just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
