i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
