i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize