The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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