Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize