Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
