just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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