so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
