Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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