if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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