They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
