We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
