Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize