He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
