i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
