Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
