you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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