it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
