i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
