somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize