He disabled his match.com account in front of me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
