this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
