Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
