We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
