i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
