it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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